今天，我终于。。。明白了。
不断在寻找出口的原来一直是我自己，
每天不停疯狂地想尽办法逃避“过去”。
“过去”之所以用“”，
是因为不希望它真的变成过去，
变成自己心中的一个遗憾。
suddenly i realise,
the lock &key theory i used in one of the previous posts,
applied to myself instead.
i realised, its not the way i thought it was,
but instead the other way round.
i should say,
this time, i realised that the key was not fitting for the locks.
but it had forced itself in all that time,
never realising that it would damage the locks instead.
to understand it only now,
makes me feel incredibly stupid.
makes me feel that im ridiculing myself.
how much more dumb can i get, really.
可能一直以来，
是带着逃避的心态来面对所有的事情。
至今，
突然发现原来自己的行为，
根本不是真实的自己会做的。
那时候的我，
根本没有顾虑到每个人的感受，
只做自己想要的事情，
没有尽力去了解每个人，
没有去了解自己为什么那么差劲。
可能，
就是那时候的错误，
才会导致今天的下场。
ohyeah digress for awhile lol. that day while i was talking to lydia after pw, i realised what she said was quite true. "thankyou" and "sorry" are two words that will never have to appear around friends. if friends really treat each other as friends in the first place, whats there to be sorry for since you know that the other party will never take offense at something that is not worth taking offense at. the same goes for thank you i suppose. if friends are really friends, doing things for each other should be something that we would like to do, without any grumbles i guess. so perhaps theres not even a need for thankyou and sorry i suppose.
利用那一个月的假期，
让自己整理一下思想，
可能一个月后会有所改变，
也可能会继续不知所措下去。
再看吧，
越早找出结论越好，
总比一只跌跌撞撞来的好。
希望。。。
一切如愿以偿。。。
;
7:50 PM
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